I once had a girlfriend,
I still love her so.
She’s talented, gorgeous,
she’s smart, and she’s fun,
her skin is amazing,
she cooks like a pro.
We dated long distance
For three years or so.
We texted and talked,
no FaceTime before.
Our love was the greatest,
huge dreams and much hope.
We moved here together
and called it our home.
She faced stormy weather
when trying to work.
We’re both educated
in Science and Arts,
but luck shines upon those
who hold a green card.
I did her a solid,
I took care of her,
but then I felt pressured,
things started to change.
Her magic was fading.
She was getting sick.
The symptoms included
becoming a bitch.
They call it “the black dog”
and sometimes “the blues”.
She lived in a nightmare
and now I was too.
I wanted to leave her,
I just felt like crap.
Who are you and where is
The Love Of My Life?
We’ve grown and made progress,
this was just a test.
The story continues,
stay tuned for the rest.

Your lies keep on spreading,
my love starts to fade.
Just cut all your bullshit,
it’s all just a game!

A game I enjoyed too
way back in the day
when LOL, wink, heart, smiley
were paper and pen.

You say you don’t want that.
Are you being straight?
You say that to me
yet I’m here in your bed.

The thrill, the adventure,
the romance, pet names.
Let’s make up some new ones
recycle, cut, paste.

“I’m dying to see you,
can’t wait for next time.
Let’s fuck on my wife’s bed,
I’m sure she won’t mind.”

It’s all contradiction,
you wanted to fly.
Your balls are still grabbed tight
and now there’s two hands.

 

I tried to be peaceful,
I tried to be good.
This would be my first curse
and it’s all for you:

May your soul forever wander in darkness
You think you’re confused but you’re stupid and heartless
You’ll never again feel complete and alive
Be rotten, forgotten, unable to thrive
Keep walking in circles this life and the next
Your spirit will never be free and unvexed
Eternal disease in your mind, soul, and body
Your family is damned,  you are worse than your daddy

 

My grandmother died today. It happened early today but I just found out, quite late at night. Last night and today were just too bizarre, spirits wouldn’t leave me alone and now I think I know why. For the past two weeks I’ve just been spiraling down. This morning I hit rock bottom. I feel so betrayed, and I can’t help but feel ashamed too. Ashamed for letting myself end up in here. Betrayed not only by you, but by myself.

There are pacts that go beyond social protocol, the pacts that your soul makes with the universe as its witness. Today, I finally proved my suspicions true, and my world fell apart. Yet again, here I am. Face to face with my biggest fears. Broken. Alone.

How could this happen? You were supposed to love me forever! The kind of love that transcends time, and space, and crises, and bullshit, and sickness, and fear, and change. The only thing I’ve ever believed in my entire life is love and now I don’t know what to believe in anymore. I’m lost.

What else is a lie? How much deeper could I dig and how much more shit would I find? How can you lie to my face without breaking a sweat? Oh, you don’t owe me shit? It’s none of my business? Well, tell that to the fucking universe! Tell it that we’re not one anymore, that you broke us!

 

I tried to be civilized,
I tried to be cool.
But my soul and my spirits
know something is wrong…

I feel hurt, and angry,
disgusted, and sick.
Why do I even tell you
if you feel what I feel?
You can close up your heart,
disconnect from your soul,
avoid all your feelings,
pretend that I’m wrong.
You can fake all the romance
there is in the world.
And pay for her dinner,
“Good morning, XO”.
You’re just recreating
our story of love.
How cute, right? Long distance.
Wait ’til it explodes.
Go on, keep on lying,
you know in your core
this bullshit will caught up
with you and your whore.
Don’t dare to deny it,
you’re anything but free.
We are one, we are one
and you’re so blind to see!